What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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