if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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