She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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