Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
