her facebook's as public as her vagina
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
