You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
