Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
