The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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