That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
