Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
