just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
