I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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