If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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