I wish I could punch you in the face.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
