the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize