Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
