But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
