i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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