all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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