plz talk dirty to me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
