You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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