My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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