were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
