I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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