why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
