even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
