well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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