Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
