Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize