I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
