I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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