I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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