i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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