not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
