uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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