you told grandpa to call you daddy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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