Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
...so i touched it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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