I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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