also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
