I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
