My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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