I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
