saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
