We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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