Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
