What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
