how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
