My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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