I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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