We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
