Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
