my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
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I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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