I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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