I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
