You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
