For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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