You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
