i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
