just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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