Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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