Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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