This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
