So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
