...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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