Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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