i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
