wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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