she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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