I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
